A lot has been said about marriage. And it has equally been defined in variety of ways. To some, it is for better-for-worse, while others will describe it as the only institution where you receive certificate before graduation. Yes, the latter is true, depending on the ‘door’ you come in through. Your certificate could be pregnancy or the legally stamped certificate. It depends. Anyway, that is not what I’m here to talk about. Whichever way you come in through, you deserve to be happy with your partner and union.
If you ask me, marriage is not a do-or-die affair. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not against people getting married (because I’m legally married), the point I’m trying to make is that some marriages don’t worth it, and the bitter but true advice a lady in an abusive union can get is to call it quits.
There are certain things that should not be compromised in a marriage. As much as this could sound odd to some fanatics, it is a simple truth. How do you explain the situation where your spouse turns you to a punching bag? Will you continue to endure the barbaric act till it claims your life or you call it quits honourably?
Domestic violence is a serious criminal offence that shouldn’t be handled with levity. I don’t want to mention names here, but we have seen cases where domestic violence has led to avoidable deaths. Yes, it is the dream of every lady to be married, but should it be in exchange for her life? Definitely NO!
Marriage or relationship should be built on friendship. Of course, quarrels and arguments are inevitable, but my dear friends, the moment it metamorphosed to repeated physical assaults, it’s time to say goodbye before you pay dearly for it with your life or terminal injuries. I’m not encouraging divorce, but if it appears as the only option that will keep you alive, so be it.
There is this friend of mine who got married to a guy she has been dating from the university. It would be an understatement if I describe the guy as a wolf in the skin of a sheep. When he was dating my friend, they seem like a perfect duo, but the friendship between them vanished abruptly after their elaborate wedding.
The wedding day was the last time true friendship existed between my friend and her husband. Almost immediately after the wedding, Chuks (not real name) started behaving strangely to my friend, Linda (not real name). Things continued to get worse to the extent that he was beating her at the slightest provocation, almost every day.
But because Linda is a Christian, she was advised by her pastor to keep praying that normalcy would return. Yes, it is true that our faith in God should be strong, but I wasn’t comfortable with the fact that the pastor in question failed to act further by counselling the couple to examine the real cause (or causes, as the case may be) of the crisis rocking the marriage. Instead, he told the bride to keep praying.
I don’t want to bore you with many events that took place between the couple, but the truth is that as we speak, Linda is partially blind –no thanks to the ‘Tyson-like’ punches she received from her supposed husband during one of their unnecessary domestic combats.
I have an advice for men who are very good at beating their wives. Instead of wasting those ‘killer punches’ on your wife, why not register with a boxing academy or championship where you can be trained to fight professionally and at the same time smile to the bank? You honestly don’t have to waste your energy on that defenceless woman because you stand to gain nothing from pummelling her. The truth is that most wife-beaters are the ones who mostly fail to challenge their fellow men when it is necessary. So please, reserve that energy for more positive things. Your mates are making money fighting on the rings, not with their wives in the bedroom. What comes to your mind when you hear names like Floyd Mayweather, McGregor and our own Anthony Joshua? A word is enough for the wise.
I know that many ladies reading this piece are victims of various degrees of domestic violence in their relationship or marriage. I’m not telling you not to be submissive to your partners, the point I’m trying to make here is that for every problem you encounter in your marriage, there must be a solution. Active and practical counselling can help a lot. It is only when the counselling and your prayers cannot work the magic that you need to think twice.
There are many factors that prevent marriages from being successful in Nigeria, and if these factors can be well handled by couples, their union will stand the test of time.